Battlemouth

After what I felt was too long of a hiatus from my comic books, I finally made my way back over to “Blue Moon Strikes Back” (my LCS) today to pick up all my missed pulls! I expect that I have some truly wonderful issues that will need talking about on the site soon, but first there is a little something different I would like to try. It seems as though there is a never ending supply of new comics, that it is just all too much to keep up with! Still every month I like to at least flip through a copy of Previews to make sure that I am not missing out on anything great…and of course there are the countless other merch previews, besides comics, that make it always a pleasurable experience. However, as I flipped through the book today I found myself thinking, “Jeepers Aaron! There sure is a lot of SHITE coming out!”. So I have decided that instead of merely talking about all of the wonderful things I love…I would, this time, try to talk about things coming up (or already out) that I think look utterly ridiculous!

You see, it seems to me that there are just far too many company’s, producers, or manufacturers, what have you, that have gotten into the habit of putting out absolute VOMIT for product just because they have the money to and just so they can say they have a new “whatever-the-fuck”. And of course there is always some jackass out there that will shell out for it (frequently me), just because it has “Whoever McFamous’s” name attached to it…which means they have even less incentive to QUIT doing it! Don’t get me wrong, If I could bottle my piss and sell it to you for 25 dollars I WOULD…this is a Capitalist Economy and I was brought up by Suburban Church going Conservatives, I shell out the cash just like the next guy (often much worse than the next guy),but its time to put pen to paper (or fingers to keys) and fight back! It doesn’t have to be this way! We can tell them to take their “Battleship the Movie” and their “Transformers 2″ and their “Bad Dog” and SHOVE IT…we aren’t idiots…we deserve better!
So hopefully in writing about the things coming out that I think will be utter crap we can start to spread the word about stuff before too many people fall prey to the corporate machine….or maybe it will just make for some entertaining reading…I suppose I could live with either.

The front cover of *Previews: July* gave me my first target.
Fallout ToyWorks Image Comics

Look, everyone is entitled to like different things, and just because you are celebrity doesn’t give me the right to automatically assume you live a “one genre’d life”….but I do anyways. What I am referring to is the Musician that decides to Act, the Actor who decides to Sing, the Movie that is made into a Video Game…you know that phenomenon….I automatically assume that, because they were first the one thing, they can’t be a second thing, and most often I find that to be a very true stereotype, but not always. It took me a long time before I would finally pick up a copy of Gerard Way’s Umbrella Academy, it wasn’t until it was pointed out that he actually started out closer to comic books than music, and that he actually wrote and drew the entire thing before Ba took over…( I know isn’t that shitty and elitist of me? Don’t Care.) All this as opposed to just attaching his name to someone else’s work. The end result is brilliant Umbrella Academy FTW. The point is I am a skeptic about those kinds of things and the cover of Previews gave me another title to scoff at: *Fallout Toy Works*
Now at first glimpse this manga-esque looking art intrigued me, until I saw that little quote that ruined it all… “Inspired by the ideas and lyrics of FALL OUT BOY”….
Are you fucking serious? And they even put part of the band name in the title of the book? Supposedly Pete Wentz has “teamed up” with Darren Romanelli and Brett Lewis as well as artist Sam Dasri to come up with this futuristic rip-off of Pygmalion. Look in addition to the story being a retelling of an ancient Greek parable how much could Wentz really have to do with it when it involves multiple separate writers, an artist, AND an animation studio! This quote was the nail in the coffin for me
“A ROBOT AND HER CREATOR DISCOVER THE MYSTERIES OF LIFE IN THIS TALE BASED ON FALL OUT BOYS MUSIC!”
Aren’t Fall Out Boy the band that copied “Girls of Summer” by Don Henley and then wore shirts in the video that said “The Eagles Suck”? Classy…you thought people would forget about that didn’t you Wentz…guess what…I didn’t. Sorry Mr. Kirkman I love you and you know it….but I’m calling EPIC FAIL on this one.

Next up on the chopping block: Superman: Secret Origin #1 Dc Comics.

Ok now seriously Mr. Johns you are a badass writer, but really….I mean honestly….how many times are we going to hear this fucking story?
HIS DAD SENT HIM HERE IN A SPACESHIP…boom…series done. I mean how many variations can you possibly throw in to the story of one of our OLDEST (and lamest) super heroes! I am a big Geoff Johns fan…his work on the Blackest Night stuff is brilliant, but I refuse to give in to reading this same fucking story again. I have never read a Superman comic, although I am told there are some good ones out there, I really don’t see how this one is going to change that.
Whats next? The Bible the Comic Book? I mean Seriously can we get any more unoriginal?

Next up: The Book of Genesis W.W. Norton and Company Publishing

HAHAHAHAFAIL. The only redeeming factors with this are the little notes on the cover of the book that state “The First Book of the Bible Graphically Depicted! NOTHING LEFT OUT” with another blurb above that one that reads “Adult Supervision Recommended for Minors”! The only comic book I have seen a warning like that one the cover of…and its a book of the Bible.

Next: Marvel Zombies Return (again?)

So when I first saw the OG Marvel Zombies I was thinking “What the hell? That’s pretty neat”….then after the first series ended and they announced it was continuing I was more like “What the Hell?”….and so on…..Now I feel like I should not even dignify this with a response. Really the “big 2″ have just been getting on my nerves lately. For a couple reasons: First off I am frustrated that they both have 18 different universes where 27 different things are happening to the same characters. Secondly it really sucks that they keep starting these fantastic series (Dark Reign, War of Kings, Blackest Night, Battle for the Cowl) but to follow all the different stories you have to be a god-damned millionaire or STEAL the books just so you can get the whole story! I enjoy collecting comics, I don’t want to download my books because I value my material possessions too much (see paragraph 2 about midway through)…stop torturing me guys!

Lastly: Sweet Tooth DC/Vertigo

So I have to say that usually I will read almost anything from Vertigo….a large portion of my pull list is Vertigo stuff. This story is some sort of post apocalyptic (oh the originality) world where a disease is running rampant through everyone except certain children that have been born immune. Sounds ok right? Except the kids are all marked as immune by sprouting some sort of animal characteristic. The main character for example….has deer antlers….This one I am not so much worried about being complete crap as I am being really good….Jeff Lemire’s art with Colors by Jose Villarrubia (as with most all things from DC Vertigo) are certainly helping the case for this one. But we’ll see.

More to come….much much much more…..sadly.