Battlemouth

I do not like to write reviews if they are going to just slam the thing I am going to review into the ground. It seems pointless…I mean, after all the idea behind reviewing something…besides well, reviewing it…is to give a little love to the makers of whatever it is you are reviewing. So naturally if you hated something enough you wouldn’t want to mention it to give the benefit of free publicity. However, once and a while , something comes along that is SO horrible…so vile and atrocious… that someone has to say something.

Wednesdays, when I pick up my comics, I always like to take a stroll up and down the wall of comic books to make sure I haven’t missed anything…this week I found that Radical Comics had two issues of a series entitled Hurcules The Knives of Kush that contained an epic badass cover. Two issues in, both with some pretty badass cover art…now normally in this situation I would stand in the shop and read a few pages but I was in a hurry. Truth be told I had also been looking for a book to pick up from the gentlemen at Radical because, I have yet to try anything they have done! When I saw the name “Steve Moore” on the cover I figured that this was going to be nothing but a win. Steve Moore, who of course we know from his lengthy run writing Doctor Who as well has his frequent occurrences in 2000 AD, and many other splash pages. After reading this book, I am convinced that they are two separate people…but I get ahead of myself.

The art on the cover, like I said is pretty badass, and even the interior art is far from the worst I have seen (that would be thanks to artist Cris Bolson). However does Hercules really need to wear that giant lion head helmet ALL the time? I mean really, is that at all practical? After about the second page it starts to just be ridiculous. As for the writing…wow… Look Hercules had incredible strength didn’t he? Son of Zeus (as he IS introduced in the the book so this is not just some other guy named Hercules), had the strength of the gods but the mortality of a human? Seriously, he has enough strength to wield that huge club but he doesn’t have the strength to actually knock anyone on their ass with it? The dialogue is SO bad that it feels like reading how a foreign person sounds when they try to speak English. It’s like someone with chattering teeth is trying to do a Busta Rythmes karaoke night. It was HARD to read, as in my head could not process the dialogue well.

You know that a book has trouble when I even need to mention the damn letterer…I usually forget to mention them in a positive review (sorry letterers!)! Todd Klein my friend…as I understand it, bold lettering is used to show emphasis or perhaps onomatopoeia…EVERY OTHER WORD IN A SENTENCE DOES NOT NEED TO BE BOLD. Your bold words were distracting from the overall story (not that that was the only thing). Ultimately I felt as if you made the words bold so that I would only read them…and in the end, that was all I did read because otherwise I would have never finished the book.
Sorry guys, Steve I know you are worth more and perhaps one day I will toss a positive review to even things out…but this book just really SUCKED.
Try a preview if you don’t believe me.