Battlemouth

If you haven’t been reading Marvel’s big summer super-fantastic crossover extravaganza The Dark Reign, then this review will not be done justice. So please stop reading and go watch a Jersey Shore rerun with cast commentary by the Situation or slam your genitals in a car door; both actions giving you the equivalent sensations and bringing you up to speed on how the rest of us feel. That being said, this hasn’t been the worst summer event, just seemingly the most deliberate without plot twisting revelations, and with the exception of a handful of players, little to no character development. Everyone is exactly who we’ve thought they were and are seemingly going to do exactly what we all could have predicted they would do. Norman Osborn saved everyone from the Skrulls and now wields the title of Director of H.A.M.M.E.R, which would be fine if H.A.M.M.E.R were a responsible, benevolent, self regulating humanitarian organization like Bono’s (RED) Foundation or Wylcef Jean’s Yele Haiti Foundation, but it’s not. It’s a world policing, seemingly omnipotent force with unchecked resources and power, something a sociopath with split personality disorder should totally be trusted with. He’s replaced the Avengers with a smattering of violent offenders and the American people apparently are too stupid to notice, which sadly is probably one of the accurate bits. Thor has set up Asgard in Oklahoma, where the mighty Mjolinarian winds go sweeping down the, you get the idea. Now Norman isn’t alone in his nefarious shenanigans, you see he has organized a “Cabal” of super villains to act as a kind of who’s who of double crossing and personal schemage. What do they say keep your friends close and your enemies in the trunk of your car? Well something to that effect. Captain America is dead, okay not really dead but more unstuck in a mediocre mini-series (which because Marvel hates its fanboys has been released out of order so we can buy books to not read so plot lines are kept intact and not spoiled etc etc), the Iron Man Tony Stark (in probably one of the best written series of last year by Eisner award and lesser known Paul Mitchell Hair of the Decade winner, Matt Fraction) is a vegetable whose brain needs rebooted and Thor is playing doctor with his neighbors in Oklahoma. The Siege is supposed to be a culmination of Earth’s mightiest three coming together, overlooking the fact that they totally screwed the pooch in civil war and need to take down the sonofabitch that is Norman “Crazypants” Osborn and restore order to the free world. What happens is a weak excuse for Osborn to be manipulated by his cabal into invading Asgard with his stable of villains turned faux heroes. Without giving away too much, large battles ensue and certain heroes question their sanity. The most interesting character in my opinion is Daken, the son of Wolverine. Daken is a socially refined, bisexual, claw wielding, mohawk sporting bad-ass mutant who has subtly been manipulating every one of Osborn’s Dark Avengers toward some endgame we have yet to be let in on. For now it seems he just likes to fuck with peoples heads, which has been very entertaining. All in all, the Brian Bendis dialogue in Siege and Dark Avengers is full of pithy banter and humor, the art has been pretty solid with Olivier Coipel doing a great job with all the heroes in Siege, and Mike Deodato visually portraying all the crazy that is the Sentry while doing a great job of convincing me that Osborn is Tommy Lee Jones. In Siege: Embedded however, I’ve not been that impressed overall with Brian Reed or Chris Samnee, simplistic would be the best description for what’s going on this book. Daniel Way/Marjorie Liu are writing the shit out of Daken in Dark Wolverine and Giuseppe Camuncoli, with the exception of a couple of group fight shots, is exceeding visual expectations.

If you read Marvel books, you now that it all depends on who’s writing it as to whether or not you will be disappointed. That being said, the pacing in these books has felt odd, but that could be because its a four issue main arc instead of your typical six. I’m conflicted because I love these characters and I love the idea of Osborn getting his just dessert, it just seems to be dragging along. I get that he’s a bad guy, the good guys need to team-up to whoop his ass, and Loki’s a bastard, but how will they weave all this into a non-convoluted resolution to Civil War, Secret Invasion and now Siege? I haven’t the slightest, but maybe that means they’re doing their job by keeping me on my toes. I’m just glad it’ll all be over soon…or will it? Hopefully with all the books tying up loose ends in these minis we can finally resolve some some of the hero registration stuff we all got so upset about back before Cap not-died. Most likely that will come next year when Jeph Loeb is put in charge of every Marvel book and we have the new summer event of Hulkiest Night where all the different color Hulks come together to fight the threat of an Atlantean invasion. This has all been one point of view from someone who is repeatedly accused of hating everything. This is simply not true and to those who say so, I hated nothing just hoped for better. Take a chance on Dark Wolverine, Dark Avengers, and Siege #1 and if you like what you see keep reading, take a pass on Siege: Embedded because you’re not going to miss any story vital to the plot and frankly I was bored by it.

Feel free to comment below because I’m sure someone will have plenty to disagree with and I look forward to hunting you down and sabotaging your brake lines to encourage discussion. Until next time, keep reading and hurling insults at the Battlemouth crew, it’s what inspires us to give you our correct opinions.