Battlemouth

Does this title sound absurd to you? It seems far-fetched, but I think this may be the future of the movie going experience in this country. Let me illuminate my point. This weekend I spent a delightful couple hours at my second favorite theater in LA, Arclight Hollywood (Nuart has a choke hold on my heart). While sitting in the theater, I engaged in a debate with my friends about the concession stand policies of Arclight. Aside from assigned seating and the no entry more than five minutes late policies, Arclight also offers no refills on any drinks or popcorn. Many times these ideas have lead to an upset customer or two. I can’t say that I haven’t felt the sting of these rules, but my real question is why?

First let me tackle the easy ones, assigned seating and no entry more than five minutes late. I can tell you I have often been upset in Arclight at the assigned seat rule. The first time I was forced to walk to a specific seat in a less than full theater I felt like I was being patronized by a condescending cinema company. Not to mention that I had to rush to the bathroom so as not to be more than five minutes late. Stewing in self-pity, I watched people show up later than myself and take the seats I wanted. This uneasy feeling quickly turned to elated joy when I saw the rules work to my benefit. Many of you may remember the nightmare of attempting to see The Dark Knight on opening weekend (or the more topical Avatar as well). I was so excited for this film to come out but dreaded the long lines and packed theaters. When I went to order my tickets online in advance I was pleasantly surprised. Not only did I get my tickets, but I got to pick choice seats right in the middle of the theater. When I showed up to the midnight screening, I didn’t even arrive until 11:45 P.M. I strolled right in and had the best seats in the house. I was devoid of any stress and perfectly ready to enjoy my movie. Could it be that Arclight was looking out for me?

The biggest debate I always have at Arclight isn’t about the seating, it is about the food. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard someone complain about the no refills policy. People are also upset at the fact that on top of no refills, the biggest cup size is a measly 32 oz. I must say coming from the Midwest, I was raised on the movie theater refill. I can’t think of a family movie where my mother didn’t go get refills at least twice during the film. So like most, I was initially appalled at this stingy cinema attempting to derive me of my hundred plus ounces of soda and popcorn. Once again I had an inner theater revelation. For those of you who haven’t been in a non-refill theater, it might be hard to imagine what it is like to watch a film in this manner. Is there anything more annoying than listening to a mother ask her family of five plus what they want from the concession stand. Let me tell you, it is amazing. I mean seriously, is there anyone who needs these large quantities of food and drink? Unless you just finished a full marathon through a desert to get to the movie theater, you should be able to survive on one 32 oz. soda and a 135 oz. bucket of popcorn. Does the body really require much sustenance to sit in a vegetative state and watch a film? Not only are you sitting on you butt, but you are filling yourself to the limit with soda and popcorn, not the best health decision.

Don’t get me wrong here, I love to go to a movie and pick out my favorite seat with my bucket of popcorn and soda. The point I would pose to you good readers is that we need to embrace theaters that look out for the common good of their audiences. Arclight has these rules in place to help us enjoy the movies that we pay over ten dollars a ticket to watch. They don’t show commercials and always less than four trailers. They don’t make you fight with other customers about where you are going to sit You don’t have to wait in line for 2 hours only to sit in the front row. People can’t walk in 20 minutes late and annoy you when they ask their friend “what did I miss?” You don’t have to deal with people constantly talking about and getting concessions that they don’t really need. The only time anyone comes and goes is for bathroom breaks, but that is just a necessity of life. I for one wish more cinemas would take this kind of interest in the well being of their customers. I can say first hand it definitely makes the movie going experience infinitely more enjoyable. Join me and rise up against those people who dampen your movie going experiences. If we don’t applaud theaters like Arclight, I fear I will someday be taking my kids to see Avatar 5: White Men Still Exploiting Blue People…… at an Old Country Buffet.